Happy New Year!

2009! And I had this strange notion that 2008 would come to an end quietly and smoothly. The month of December was pure hell for me emotionally. I found that I can not get along any more with my family or co-workers. (at least it seems like that most of the time)

Medication, you idiot! Well, depression is a demon! It keeps you from being happy and productiive, it keeps you from seeking treatment.

I've been on anti-depressants. The first round kicked me in to a round a seizures that lasted for years. Come to realize, it was the 6 pack (or more) of beer per night was also a contributing factor. DAMMIT!! I wanted to prove them all wrong. It isn't my beer drinking that is causing these seizures. It's because I have epilepsy! So, in January of 2002 I decided to show them all!! I will show you! We'll just see how long it'll take before I have another one, and then I'll say...SEE!!! I told you so! Well, it's been 7 years and I'm still waiting. Shit I hate it when I'm wrong. Well, I almost hate it. I am glad I'm not having them any more, but I'm still taking my medication. I don't take it like I"m supposed to, but I'm not off of it. Maybe 2009 will see a visit to my neurologist. I'll ask him what he thinks.

2009 is supposed to be the year I buy a new motorcycle too. Well, I'm leary of that right now, since I dropped the one I own now when I was putting it in storage. Right in front of my daughter, next thing I know--I'm on the ground, gas leaking out of the carburator, turn signal light broken, clutch handle broken. I hadn't dropped it in two years? What the heck?? I'm not buying a Harley just to bang it all up, or much worse---wreck it. Maybe I am getting to old for this crap.

My resolution this year is again, get fit. Drop 20# and let my hair go natural. I've been dying it every month for two years straight. It's totally white without the brown dye that I have to re-touch every 4 weeks or I begin to look like an old skunk.

My resolution this year is to not get involved in something that will hurt my family. I've been turned on by a "kid" at work, and have no idea why. He's quite young, but something about him trips me up every now and then. He's nerdy but a little wild. I think that's what it is. He says nice things to me too...and thats when I get flustered. Hopefully I won't have to worry about that. I've enough to worry about.

2009 will hopefully be another good year in that we'll see nobody dying on my side of the family. My parents are quite elderly, but healthy. I'll pray for my sake they remain stable.

2009 will hopefully bring me a new job. I'll pray MORE for that.

2009 will come and go, regardless and that's what I'm for sure of.